i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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