I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am available for nakedness
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
