Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize