i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
