Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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