Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
