I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wish there were birth control emojis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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