I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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