and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
