I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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