i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm bleeding and have questions
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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