So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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