Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize