she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
