He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize