i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So squirting runs in the family.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
