Porn is love you can see.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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