Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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