I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
