Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
