i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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