I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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