A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
