i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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