dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Your tits are I can't wait for
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
