Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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