its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this is an emotional support booty call
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
