how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
