he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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