Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
