If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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