eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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