gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
