please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
