So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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