i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
