So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
