I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
