I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
