I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
