I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It's just like the Real World with babies
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize