so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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