I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
