Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
