whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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