Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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