It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
