You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
