i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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