someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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