i can't believe i had my finger in that
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
