you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
