This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
