East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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