Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
