Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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