Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
