Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are two peas in an std pod
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
