Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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