my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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