i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
