After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
