How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
