His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
